


Oceans of Hope

by BSBLover2538



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Character Death, Death in Childbirth, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSBLover2538/pseuds/BSBLover2538
Summary: After losing Rochelle in childbirth, AJ struggles to raise his daughters, and cope with the grief. His brothers and sisters gather around to support him, and help him through this trying time.





	Oceans of Hope

**Chapter 1**  

AJ looked down at the hospital bed, tears coming down in waves. His precious Rochelle, his soulmate, his one true love, was gone. He looked up at the doctor, who had a sad look on her face, one that had the eyes of having done this a million times over. He clutched her lifeless hand, as the doctor explained what happened.  

“Your wife suffered what is known as a pulmonary embolism. This is a blood clot that starts in the legs, and travels to the lung arteries. The symptoms of them closely mimic pregnancy, so that is why it was undetected until after her death. I am so sorry to have to tell you this” the doctor left after telling AJ that he could take as long as he wanted with Rochelle. 

  The mother of his two girls, the youngest who was less than a day old, was laying in the hospital bed, looking like she was asleep. As AJ held her hand, all of the responsibilities he now had, came flying into his head. Now AJ had to raise two girls, while juggling sobriety, his successful music career, and grieving the loss of his wife.  He continued sitting at her bedside, thinking of the last eight years of bliss that they had together. 

Memories of meeting Rochelle, dating her, their epic proposal, the grace she showed when he had to postpone their wedding to go to rehab, their amazing wedding, and the birth of Ava, came flooding to him, and he sat and cried clutching Rochelle’s pale, lifeless hand. He remained that way for a couple hours, just thinking of the memories, before he realized that he needed to let her go.  

“Can you call the funeral home please? I know I need to let her go, and I know she wanted to be cremated” AJ told the nurse, who told him that she would get the release forms for him, and contact the local funeral home to pick Rochelle up. AJ quickly signed the forms, and after giving Rochelle one final kiss, walked out of her hospital room for the last time.  

AJ walked out to the courtyard of the hospital, to get some fresh air, and pulled his phone out. He had many texts and calls, but he ignored them all, to call the one person he needed to hear the voice of. His oldest brother Kevin, who was only half an hour away. He needed his brothers now that he had time to grieve by himself. He hit the speed dial, and tearing up, listened to the phone pick up after the second ring.  

“Hey man, what’s going on? How’s the new little one?” Kevin’s happy voice came through the phone, causing more tears to come to AJ’s eyes.  

“Rochelle’s gone. Baby is here, but Rochelle is gone” AJ rasped out, making Kevin stop short, the pain in AJ’s voice cutting right through him. 

“What? What happened?” Kevin’s eyes teared up as he talked to the grieving father.  

“Pulmonary embolism, they couldn’t save her, tried so many times, but I finally told them to stop, that she was gone. My wife is dead” AJ started sobbing on the phone, Kevin helpless on the other end.  

“I am so sorry AJ, I don’t know what else to say, so I am going to do something. I am going to call the other guys and get to you as soon as possible. Do you want all of them to come here to LA? Nick can be here in three hours, Howie and Brian will get there as soon as possible” Kevin gently asked.  

“Yes, I need you guys, and your families. I need the help, to take care of Ava and Baby Girl, I need to grieve, but I also need help” AJ pleaded, breaking Kevin’s heart.  

“Hang tight AJ, I’ll call Brian now, and tell him what’s going on. Kristin will tell Nick and Howie. Will you be okay until Kristin and I can get there?” Kevin had to make sure he could safely hang up with AJ, so he could call the others.  

“Yes, I am just going to be in the nursery holding Baby Girl. Ava is with my mom, I am not ready to tell her that Rochelle isn’t coming home” AJ started crying again at the thought of telling Ava that her mommy wasn’t coming home.  

“Okay, Kristin and I will go right to the nursery when we get to the hospital. Just remember that we all love you, and we are here for you through all of this, that you have all of our help. Love you my brother, and I’ll see you in less than an hour” Kevin hung up a few seconds later, and turned to his wife, explaining to Kristin what happened. 

Tears sprung to Kristin’s eyes, and Kevin asked her to call Howie and Nick, while he got his cousin on the phone. 

 “Brian, you and Leighanne, along with Baylee, need to get to LA. AJ needs all of us right now” Kevin rushed to tell his cousin, after he picked up the phone 

“Why, what’s going on?” Brian asked, very concerned, making Leighanne look up, alarm on her face. 

“Rochelle is dead. Pulmonary embolism, Baby Girl is here and okay. AJ had to tell the doctors to stop CPR” Kevin explained, as he heard Brian swallow hard, putting his phone to his chest. Brian quickly explained what happened to Leighanne, tears springing to her eyes. Kevin turned to Kristin, telling her to grab the boys and get to the car, that he’d be right there, seeing that she had finished calling Nick and Howie.  

“We will be there in half an hour. How long until you three can get here?” Kevin asked, getting his shoes and coat on.  

“We can get flights for three hours from now. We will be there in about five to six hours” Brian looked at Leighanne, who had looked up flights quickly, for confirmation.  

“Got it, I’ll see you in a few hours” the line went dead, and Brian knew his cousin was trying to hold his emotions in. Brian went to pack for an undetermined amount of time, hearing Leighanne explain to Baylee what had happened.  

Meanwhile, AJ was sitting in the nursery, looking at his newest daughter. She was peacefully asleep, and AJ thought about her name. He wanted to honor his wife, and Rochelle had told him that he could pick her first name, and he had picked Lyric. After thinking about it for a few minutes, he decided on Lyric Dean McLean. It was a bit clunky, but it fit her. He was rocking her, when he heard the nursery door open, and he looked up into Kevin’s green eyes.  

“Hey” was all Kevin got out, before he was hugged by a sobbing AJ, Lyric having been given to Kristin, who was now rocking her, looking sadly at the hugging duo.  

“Shhh, I got you man” Kevin tried to reassure AJ, while crying himself. He looked at Lyric, and couldn’t imagine Kristin not being with him.  

“Who is this sweet girl?” Kristin asked, as both men started to calm down a bit.  

“I named her Lyric Dean McLean. Kind of clunky, but the name honors Rochelle, and it fits her” AJ reached down, and took Lyric back in his arms, and looked at Kevin and Kristin.  

“I need help, can you stay here, so I can talk to Ava please” AJ pleaded, and Kevin nodded his head, taking Lyric in his arms, grabbing a bottle for her. AJ left the nursery, with Kristin in tow, to go to the waiting room, and found his mom watching Ava, Mason, and Maxwell.  

“Ava, come here baby girl. Daddy needs to talk to you” AJ bent down, and Ava ran to his arms, a smile on her face. He motioned for his mother to come as well, with Kristin going to her boys.  

“Where’s mommy and baby sister?” Ava asked, and AJ tried not to cry, as he picked Ava up, and brought her to another quiet waiting room, and held her in his arms, with his mom sitting next to him, holding his hand, sensing that something was wrong.  

“Daddy has to tell you something. Remember me and Mommy telling you about heaven, and the angels, and that when someone’s heart stops beating, they become an angel and go to heaven?” AJ carefully asked his daughter, watching her think, and his mom gasped.  

“Yea Daddy, I remember” Ava looked up at her dad, confused.  

“Princess, Mommy is an angel now, her heart stopped beating, and she’s in heaven now” AJ watched as Ava’s face crumpled, and she started sobbing. His mother started sobbing as well, and he just held two of the most important women in his life in his arms, and cried along with them.  

“Mommy’s gone?” Ava hiccupped through her sobs, not wanting it to be true.  

“Yes, Baby Girl, Mommy’s gone” AJ felt Ava’s punches to his chest, knowing that she was working through her emotions.  

“I am so sorry Baby Girl. You do have a little sister though. Do you want to meet her?” AJ asked. 

“Yes Daddy, what’s my sister’s name?” Ava asked, as AJ wiped her tears away.  

“Her name is Lyric, and Uncle Kevin is with her, do you want to go see her?” Ava nodded her head, and AJ carried her to the nursery, with his mom following, and saw Lyric asleep in Kevin’s arms, who immediately handed her to AJ, after he had set Ava down on her feet.  

AJ bent down and showed Ava her sister. AJ’s mom took a few photos, and Kevin slipped out the door, leaving the family alone for a little bit, and he went back to the waiting room with his wife and sons.  

 **Chapter 2**  

A few hours later, Nick, Brian, and Howie, with their families, had shown up to the hospital. AJ brought the three men, and their wives to the nursery, to meet Lyric. The six waited in the hallway as AJ went in to grab his baby girl.  

“Lyric, meet Uncle Nick, Aunt Lauren, Uncle Howie, Aunt Leigh, Uncle Brian, and Aunt Leighanne” AJ cooed to his daughter, as he laid her against his chest, so that all could see her.  Leigh gasped, and tears sprung to her eyes.  

“She’s gorgeous, AJ” Leigh told the tattooed man, who sadly smiled at her.  

Lauren took one look at the baby, and walked away for a moment. Leighanne came behind her, and hugged her, while their husbands took turns holding Lyric.  

“What’s going through your head?” Leighanne asked her younger friend.  

“I can’t believe that Rochelle is gone. I was the first one to welcome her to the BSB club, and we were incredibly close. My heart breaks for AJ, Ava, and that little girl who will grow up never knowing her mother” Lauren teared up, and Leighanne hugged her close.  

“We will step in. We will help AJ out as much as we can, and will be the female influences in both Ava and Lyric’s lives. We can tell Lyric all about her mommy, and there are pictures and videos that we can show her. Lyric will know who her mother was, that is a guarantee” Leighanne was interrupted by Leigh coming from behind her, with the three guys accompanying her, AJ bringing Lyric back into the nursery, to change her diaper. 

“You are exactly right Leighanne. AJ will get the help he needs, and we will do this together, just like we always have. There is nothing tighter than the Backstreet family, and it shows through in our lowest times. We will get ourselves and AJ through this” Leigh pulled Howie to her, and the six of them hugged, vowing to help AJ out.  

AJ had to spend the night in the hospital with Lyric, so the four couples and their kids split up, and Howie and Nick and their families went to AJ’s house, with Ava and AJ’s mom, while the cousins went back to Kevin’s promising to be at AJ’s early the next morning, when AJ would come home with Lyric.  

Lauren was passing by Ava’s room that night, when she heard Ava crying. She went in, and her heart broke. Ava was holding a picture of her mom, crying.  

“Hey, sweetie. Do you want to talk to me?” Lauren asked, sitting on Ava’s bed, drawing her to her lap, and hugging her tightly.  

“I miss mommy Aunt Lauren. Do you think she is watching over me?” Ava asked through her tears, and Lauren found that she had one of Rochelle’s sweaters wrapped around her.  

“Yes, Ava. Mommy is watching over you, Daddy, Lyric, all of us. She is an angel to all of us now” Lauren rocked the little girl back and forth in her arms, singing softly to her, as she felt Ava get heavy in her arms, as sleep finally overtook the grieving child.  

Nick found her holding the little girl a while later, breaking his heart once again, and he kissed Lauren goodnight, as Ava still had a good hold on Lauren. Nick brought Odin into bed with him, and snuggled him as the house got quiet for the night. 

The next morning dawned, and there were a lot of tired people at AJ’s house by 9AM. AJ and Lyric would be home in an hour, and Ava had had a rough night sleeping. She woke every few hours, crying, and Lauren comforted her as best she could. Leigh had also come in to help, and between the two women, Ava was able to get a few hours of sleep. She couldn’t wait till her Daddy and sister got home.  

“When is daddy coming home Uncle Kevin?” Ava looked up at her uncle, who softly smiled at her.  

“One more hour sweetheart. Do you want to make him and Lyric a welcome home sign? I am sure the boys will help you” Kevin looked at his sons, and Howie’s sons, who nodded their heads, and Baylee even volunteered to help as well.  

The kids gathered around the dining room table to make the sign, while Nick and Lauren fed Odin breakfast, and the other couples cleaned the house up.  

An hour later, the entire Backstreet family was standing in front of AJ’s home, with their sign held high, as AJ pulled into the driveway with Lyric in the backseat. He teared up reading it, and seeing his family there, meant the world to him. He got out, got Lyric’s carseat out, and set it down next to him, as Ava came running towards him.  

“Thank you so much guys. This means the world to me, and I am so grateful that you are all in my life. Thank you for dropping everything to come down here to be with me, Ava, and Lyric in the hardest period of our lives” AJ started crying as his brothers hugged him, the wives staying back, knowing that AJ needed the boys right now.  

 **Chapter 3**  

The day went by quickly with AJ taking care of Lyric, and playing with Ava. He knew that once Ava went to bed, he’d have to make some hard decisions, but he pushed it out of his head while Ava was still awake. Brian and Leighanne made a fun taco night dinner, that the kids all loved. After a giant sleepover was set up in the basement, Baylee took over, reassuring the adults that the kids would be fine with him. The adults sat at the dining room table to talk.  

“Did you or Rochelle have any plans for something like this?” Howie cautiously asked, looking at AJ.  

“All we talked about was that Rochelle wanted to be cremated, since the idea of her body being in the ground, creeped her out” AJ spoke sadly.  

“Do you want a full funeral, or just a memorial service after you get her ashes back?” Nick asked, his arm around Lauren, who was softly crying.  

“Memorial service would be quicker, and easier. Rochelle’s parents are both gone, and she was an only child, so there is really no one from her side of the family, and I just have my mom and you guys. No sense in doing a major to do, when there aren’t many people around. Her friends and clients in the makeup world will come, but that still isn’t many more people” AJ spoke, as Kristin was writing things down, making note of AJ’s wishes.  

“Then that’s what we will do. When do you want to have it?” Leigh asked.  

“As soon as possible. I don’t want to drag this on, and I want to have the time to grieve and to take care of Ava and Lyric. I am sorry guys, but I need time, away from the album right now. I need to be with my daughters. I have to figure out where I am going to go from here” AJ spoke nervously, looking at each of his brothers, hoping they would understand.  

“Of course, AJ, take all the time you need. Unfortunately, the fans will find out, but they will understand. None of us have a problem pushing the album back. You need time to heal. We are here for you every step of the way” Brian spoke up, and the others nodded, making AJ sigh in relief.  

That night, AJ struggled to sleep alone in the bed that he had shared with Rochelle for the last 8 years. He curled around her pillow, breathing in her scent, and that calmed him enough so he could sleep for a little while. He knew that the next few days would be very difficult, and could already feel signs of a breakdown coming on.  

Four difficult days later, AJ received his wife’s ashes, and the memorial service was held. Ava spent most of the day in his arms, while Lyric was taken care of by Leigh and Leighanne. Several of Rochelle’s coworkers and clients came to pay their respects, and AJ was grateful for all of it. He could tell that he was near a breakdown, and went to Kevin, knowing that the older man had helped him out once before.  

“Kevin, I need to talk to you, urgently” AJ pulled Kevin into his bedroom that night, raising concern in Nick, Howie, and Brian who, along with Kevin, had seen the signs that AJ was close to a breakdown.  

“What’s wrong? What’s going through your head” Kevin sat AJ on the bed, putting his arms around the younger man, holding him tightly.  

“I am breaking down. I don’t know how I am supposed to do this. I don’t know if I can raise Ava and Lyric by myself. I haven’t touched alcohol in over two years now, and I am feeling the urge so strongly right now, that I knew I needed to go to you, before I hid away and drank myself into a blind stupor” AJ looked down at his hands, as he confessed to Kevin.  

“I knew this would be coming Aje, we all saw the signs. I am proud of you for coming to me, it means the world to me. I am going to get the other guys, and we are going to go out together. You need to have a few drinks, but in a controlled situation. As soon as I see you getting the slightest bit drunk, I am switching you to water. I think this will also help you grieve a bit, we will all share stories with you, and toast to your amazing wife, and the life she had. Does that sound okay?” Kevin asked, rocking the distraught man a bit.  

“Yes Kev, that sounds perfect. Do you think Kristin, Leigh, Lauren, and Leighanne would be willing to get Ava to bed, and take care of Lyric so we can go out?” AJ looked up in Kevin’s eyes, looking so small and vulnerable, that it brought tears to Kevin’s eyes.  

“Yes, I know they will. Let me go get the others, and I’ll bring them back in here, and get the ladies in on the plan” Kevin sat AJ on the bed, and gave him Rochelle’s pillow to hold, and went out to the dining room.  

He gathered the adults in the kitchen, and told them the plan, and they all agreed with Kevin’s idea. Nick, Brian, and Howie all got ready to go out, while the ladies gathered the kids to play some board games, and video games. Lauren had Lyric in her arms, and was feeding her a bottle.  

 **Chapter 4**  

Twenty minutes later, the five men were in a booth in the back of the local bar, having asked for privacy. All had a beer in front of them, four of them nursing their drinks, not feeling up to drinking much, while AJ downed half of his in the first gulp. He looked at his brothers, and the tears started.  

“How am I supposed to go on? Rochelle was my soulmate, the mother of my children. Every time I look at Ava, my heart gets crushed, because she looks so much like Rochelle. I thank God for it, but it still hurts” AJ traced his finger around his mug of beer, feeling ashamed of how he was feeling.  

“You take this day by day, hour by hour. No one has ever written on the exact grief process, because it is different for everyone. You need to do what is best for you, and the girls. Do you feel like you can stay in your home, just with the girls, or do you want to stay with one of us for a while?” Nick carefully looked at AJ, who had finished his beer, and ordered a second, with Kevin keeping a close eye on him.  

“Can I and the girls stay with one of you guys for a while? I need to get a handle on being a widowed father, and I need someone to keep me in check. I would prefer to stay in LA, so that Ava can continue with school, but I’ll go anywhere” AJ slowed down on drinking the second beer, while Brian, Howie, and Nick looked at Kevin, knowing he was the only one out in LA, and that he had helped AJ out before, and knew that he could do it again.  

“You can stay with Kristin and I as long as you need to AJ. I’ll help you out as much as I can, but I will not have Kristin raise Ava and Lyric. You need to continue being in their lives, being their father. You can come to me for anything, and I will stay up all night talking to you, if you need it. We will all be there for you, you can trust us on that” Kevin reached over and put a hand on AJ’s shoulder, as he spoke.  

The five men spent the next couple hours trading stories, and AJ regaled them about stories of dating Rochelle, and all the amazing times they had. They knew about most of them, but just let AJ talk as much as he wanted. After downing the second beer, AJ asked Kevin to switch him to water. The talking was helping more than the alcohol was.  

AJ was completely sober when they went home, he was extremely proud of himself for that, and he scooped Lyric up and just held her in his arms, as he let the tears come. He knew he was in an uphill battle, but having Kevin and Kristin there, would be an amazing help.  

“When do you want to stay with us?” Kristin asked the next day, as she helped AJ and Brian make breakfast for everyone. Brian, Nick, Howie, and their families would be leaving for home that day, but they had already made plans to come for Memorial Day.  

“As soon as I can pack for a few weeks. I don’t think it will be for very long, but I want to be able to go to someone to talk to if I need to. I know Kevin will help me out, like he has done so many times before” AJ looked at Kristin, who nodded softly.  

“We will have you for as long as you need it AJ, we promise that” Kristin rubbed his arm, as she got the eggs out of the pan, Brian working on the sausage and bacon, while AJ made waffles.  

The Backstreet family shared a tearful goodbye later that day, as 3/5ths of them were leaving for a few weeks. Nick, Brian, and Howie got promises out of AJ that he would talk to them at least every other day, and Kevin nodded that he would keep them updated.  

AJ moved temporarily into the Richardson’s for about two months as he got used to being a widowed father to two girls. He spent many a night talking with Kevin, working through his grief, and staying sober at the same time. He kept in contact with Howie, Nick, and Brian, who were all very proud that he was doing as well as he was.  

AJ started making plans to go home, and started looking towards the future. He looked at his girls, and was filled with hope. Grief was an ocean of emotions, but AJ rode the waves as best he could, and knew that he had to move on, and live life for Rochelle, knowing that that’s what she would have wanted. As he looked around his home, with touches of Rochelle all over, he gently smiled, held both of his daughters in his arms, and felt the gentle breeze, feeling Rochelle’s encouragement to move on with his life.  

 **Epilogue**  

A few years after Rochelle’s passing, AJ started slowly dating. Kevin and Brian could see he was getting lonely and encouraged him to try dating again. Lyric had recently turned five, and she knew all about her mother, and treasured the pictures and videos, and constantly talking to Lauren, Leigh, Kristin, and Leighanne, also helped. Ava was now ten, and had grown up to be a beautiful girl, looking like a carbon copy of her mother, with her father’s hair color. AJ was beyond proud of his two girls, and they were the apples of his eye.  

It took a few months, but AJ found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, that understood that part of his heart would always be with Rochelle. Heather knew that she would never replace Rochelle as Lyric and Ava’s mother, she loved both girls deeply, but knew they would never call her Mom, and that was just fine with her. After two years of dating, AJ proposed, and Heather accepted, with Lyric and Ava by their side.  

A few years later, after getting reassurance from Ava and Lyric, AJ and Heather had a child together. Derek Jason McLean was born, and Ava and Lyric doted on their little brother. AJ looked at his family, and felt that gentle breeze again, and looked out at the ocean. The tide was low, but the waves were crashing loudly. Rochelle looked down from heaven, and smiled deeply, seeing her husband and girls so happy. She whispered love into DJ’s ears, and the baby smiled for the first time, leaving AJ in tears. He knew that it was Rochelle’s doing, and sent a quick prayer of thanks up to her, as he gathered his family in his arms, ready to see what happened next, ready to ride the waves of life some more.  


End file.
